Trashy TV!

Happy Saturday. My sweetie is working, so after I worked out this morning, cleaned the bathroom, and took a shower, I started watching TV. Trashy TV. Mostly celebrity gossip stuff on E! I try to be a spiritual person who is constantly learning new things and trying to find enlightenment, but I love me some trashy TV.

Food stuff is good. I was really struggling with over eating again a few days ago, but my body told me "ENOUGH!" and I've been back on track.

Trying to permanently change the record (tape? CD? Mp3?) that plays over and over in my head is an interesting challenge - I certainly have known for years that telling myself positive things would be helpful - but have you ever noticed just how often you're thinking something negative about your body? Even if I'm not actually thinking, "I am lumpy and grotesque", I might notice my jeans don't feel as good as I want them to, or if my hand is resting on my stomach I might notice it's not as flat as I would like - and those things going through my head, even subconsciously, probably aren't very helpful.

But you know what? Things are good. I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy to have this body that I know responds to eating right, exercise, etc. I know I can lose weight. I know I am healthy. I'm thankful I can walk and move and all that stuff. Oh, and of course I'm thankful I can watch trashy TV.

Have a great day!

Food Is My Friend

Hi! I'm in a great mood. I am feeling SO much better! I really, truly believe that the ultimate indicator of my health is my joy for life - and when I get bogged down with worrying about food and weight constantly, I'm doing absolutely nothing for my health!

So, here's my list of things I have more time for when I'm not worrying about the calorie count of my next meal:

• Petting my two beautiful cats
• Playing games with my boyfriend
• Talking on the phone with friends
• Writing
• Reading
• Dancing around listening to music
• Enjoying my life

I am getting distracted from my list making because my boyfriend just came home. He hopped in the shower, but suggested that we go into town so he can look for some new clothes, and he wants to go to dinner after. This is a PERFECT example of why I'm so happy I'm moving forward with making food my friend - if I was dieting I'd immediately worry about where we were going, what they'd have, how much I'd eat, etc. Instead, I'm excited about all the tasty possibilities and trust myself to eat what I want, stopping when I'm full.

This feels good :)

Day Three - Late Night Eating

Good Morning!

So last night I went out to dinner with my sweetie, ate a pretty comfortable amount, loved what I had, all that good stuff. After dinner we ran a million errands, mostly for him: the mall, a sportswear store, the grocery store, Home Depot. When we were at the grocery store I told him to get me something chocolate while I filled up our water containers. When we found each other again he'd gotten me this thick, chocolaty spelt and walnut brownie from the bakery, something we couldn't give back but that scared me.

Scared of a brownie? Yes! It was so thick and rich looking, and I know there was real butter in there. On the drive home I was actually getting a bit hungry again because it had been hours since the sushi and, well, sushi, especially the veggie kind I eat, never holds me over for long. I planned to have a teeny bite of the brownie and maybe some dry cereal to stop my rumbling tummy. However, that's not what happened! I ended up eating the teeny bite, plus a couple of pretzels and a handful of cereal, but then I went back for more brownie. I ended up eating the whole thing!

This is what happens to me: I overeat and start worrying about gaining weight, beating myself up for eating late, try to come up with a plan so I never overeat at night again, and end up back on a diet. Obviously this is not an option right now. I was eating the brownie and about halfway through my body told me, "Eh, I've really had enough of this. It's rich and delicious, but it's beginning to be overkill" and my brain said, "eat, eat, finish it, don't let it go, it's delicious, you should just keep eating it." And my brain one.

So, I want to stop late night overeating without turning to dieting or restricting or some plan that limits the times I eat. I want to pay attention to my body's hunger and fullness signals all the time, including late at night, when I struggle with it the most. I'm not exactly sure what my plan is, at the moment, but I wanted to write about it.

In other news, happy Friday! I'm not working today and I plan on taking a nice walk, relaxing, maybe doing some very overdue cleaning, and I don't know what else. Tonight I'm going out to dinner again. I swear this isn't normal, but my parents had been planning on taking me and my boyfriend out tonight for the last week or two, so it just ended up that I'm going out a bunch of nights in a row. Should be fun, though!

How do you guys cope with late night eating?