I believe I can.

I started this blog because I thought writing every day would keep me accountable. But, amazingly, over the last couple of weeks I haven't needed any outside source to keep me accountable.

I am doing very, very well. At home I've been mostly maintaining a plant based and low fat diet, though Friday night it was POURING and we decided to make pizza at home; I ate pizza with a white crust and cheese, the horror! :) Actually, it was great; I only ate two little pieces and had a salad with it. I made brownies, too, but didn't even have a piece that night. I'm starting to feel a little slimmer - that wasn't my goal in giving up dieting, but I figured if I stopped the restrict and binge cycle I'd drop some weight - and that feels good.

How did I do on vacation? Wonderful. I pretty much gave up the idea of trying to eat the way I do at home, and it was just fine. Our first night there (after eating the way I do at home all day) we were starving and at the last minute decided on pizza. Again, I ate a couple of pieces with a salad, and had a glass of wine, and that was it for me. We ate out a few times and I ate some things I wouldn't consider "healthy", but I was fine. We found a great breakfast place where he could get what he wanted and I could get a huge fruit plate with melon and pineapple and banana and grapes and kiwis and yum!

Somehow things have shifted a bit for me. I know that when I'm feeling my healthiest mentally I want to eat a low-fat and plant based diet. But I'm not going to try to do that for every single meal of my life. If we go out to eat and I want something different, that's what I'll get. The difference, though, is that I haven't been getting upset and anxious over eating something outside of my "plan". That is what always led to my downfall - if I ate outside of what I was supposed to, I got really nervous and sort of excited and would end up going waaaaay overboard.

I haven't even wanted to do that lately, with the exception of one night when I was sort of bored and stuff, but I cut it off quickly. I know I feel my best when I don't eat past a certain point, and I want to feel good! Also, like I said, I think I've dropped a couple of pounds, and I don't want to yo yo back to where I was.

So, things are good. I'll keep writing when it seems important, but I realized I can keep myself accountable without any other tool. Because I WANT to. I want to feel good. I want to eat a healthy diet. So often people will say life is too short and we should enjoy this or that that isn't necessarily good for us. I get that, and agree that I don't want to completely limit myself, but at the same time, we've taken that idea much, much too far in this country. Every meal is an over indulgence in some cases, and that's not what I want for myself. And honestly, food that is whole and healthy is DELICIOUS. Yesterday I baked a butternut squash and ate a piece of it along with a cooked honey crisp apple - OMG. It was so good, and after I didn't feel sick, full, or sugary.

That being said - I'm going out to breakfast this morning and plan on ordering the whole wheat pancakes with hot cooked apples. It will be delicious!

Have a great day!

If It Was My First Day On Earth...

This afternoon I was snacking, picking, etc. I started to feel guilty. I started to think, "How am I ever going to change my habits and emotional eating patterns?? I always fail! I keep doing this over and over again!" Then I stopped. That way of thinking is not helpful to me and does not feel good!

So I wrote in my journal as if it was my first day on earth. I was thankful to be alive. I was thankful to have this body that can walk, and run, and taste, and smell, and see. I'm thankful to have a beating heart, a thinking mind (sometimes), and plenty of skills. If today was my first day on earth and I looked at my body and thought, "I'd like to lose 20 pounds", it wouldn't be overwhelming. It would simply be something I wanted to accomplish.

I'm trying to look at my journey as something that is easily attainable; like this really is the first day on the journey. All the other stuff that happened has no bearing on what happens today or in the future unless I let it have a bearing. And, admittedly, that's what I've been doing. And that's why today I wrote as if I was brand new. Nothing from last week, or last month, or last year matters. None of that exists. Only in my mind.

I am flipping the switch. My brain is filled with light and hope. I expect to reach my goals. It might take consistent dedication to change the way I think about this, but I'm willing to do it. This will work.

In unrelated news, the boy and I got extended cable yesterday, we've had the plain old cable with ten channels for YEARS now. Who knew there was so much crap on TV...crap that I love. Oh, the Kardashians. Oh, Cribs. Oh, child stars of yesteryear. This might be a problem....

Day Two Take Two

So far so good! I may have said that before, but I really feel as though my mind set has shifted this time. I was really stuck in a place where I kept telling myself a) that I HAD to lose weight and b) that nothing I ever did worked permanently and I was just going to binge my way out of it. What am I telling myself now? A bunch of positive things, but mostly that I believe I can change the way I think about food and that I can permanently lose weight.

Ever notice how different things work for different people? And I know you're as confused as me as to what the "healthiest" diet is. I've decided the healthiest diet is the one that brings me joy. You might be thinking, "But if I ate what brought me joy I'd eat chocolate cake and cheese fries all day!" I just don't think that's true. There are tons and tons of natural, whole foods that I absolutely love. And lots of less-than-natural foods that I love, too. It's my decision to enjoy everything I eat.

Enjoy what I eat. Yup, that's something I'm going to start really paying attention to. Often I'm feeling so anxious about the fact that I'm eating something I "shouldn't" that I don't even taste it!

Okay, I've got some work to do, including a fun project that I haven't worked on in a while! Have a great day!