Day One, Can I Do It?

I am SO. SICK. OF. DIETING. I don't just mean the dieting where I'm on a certain program or counting every calorie, I mean the way I obsess about losing weight, my body, whether or not I should eat peanut butter, if I should allow myself to eat chocolate, if I can eat after 8 pm, if I should be able to have a glass of wine with dinner, what my jean size is, why I don't look like that girl on TV, it's all too damn much!

So I've decided to give up dieting. For a year. I am so exhausted by what I've put myself through over the years, and I'm ready for a break. Unfortunately, I've tried to give up dieting before, and I always fall back into the trap, so I am hoping that blogging about it will keep me in line.

This is not going to be a food blog. Though I may occasionally take pictures of something I ate, or talk about it, I'm not here to track every single thing I put in my mouth. I'm hear to talk about the reasons I diet, and why I think we all are constantly trying to improve our bodies. I hope other women (and men!) can relate and perhaps will look at their own eating and exercising habits, too.

So, more about me. I'm almost 30. I'm within the healthy range of weights for my height, but I'm at the very top end. I've been 20 pounds thinner but also 25 pounds heavier. I exercise almost every day, love to eat a mostly healthy diet, and have struggled with emotional and binge eating for the last 3 or 4 years. I have a good life and a partner who loves me, yet I can't let go of the idea that I need to lose those 20 pounds I gained a few years ago.

Truth be told, I weigh less now than I did in high school, by maybe 5 pounds. I'm not fat. But I'm not thin. I'm not like so many women I see on TV. But I want to let this all go. It's torture to worry about food every single day. I want to go for a year without dieting.

So what does that mean to me? For me, no dieting means:

• Absolutely no counting calories
• No restricting food groups (with the exception of meat and fish, I've been a vegetarian for many, many years)
• No following ANY eating plan (sometimes I go low fat, sometimes I go vegan, sometimes I eat only at certain times...all with the intention of losing weight. No more!)
• No measuring in attempt to control my food intake

Ideally, I'd like to get to a place where I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I want a healthy relationship with food and my body. I can see it, and at times I've felt it, but as long as I keep telling myself, "You're too fat. You have to lose weight", I am going to continue to limit my potential.

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to love myself as I am and stop trying to force myself to shed pounds. At least for a year, anyways.

Have you given up dieting? Does it ever sneak back up on you?