It's 1:00 pm on this first day without dieting. I wish I could say it was fun and easy, but when portioning out my food I had to remind myself, "don't measure, don't count calories". And when I was eating I had to believe that I could listen to my body and stop when I was full. It's amazing how many times a really unpleasant thought goes through my head, and how scared I am to gain weight.
It's a little embarrassing to even talk about this. I can't believe I spend so much time and energy worrying about food and my weight, and thinking I'm not good enough where I am. I need to rewire my brain to remind me of my good qualities, and change my story to "I'm perfect the way I am" instead of, "until I lose weight/build muscle/get a great haircut there's something wrong with me".
I really don't think I was always like this. When I was in college and gained 20 pounds over the course of the four years, I barely even noticed it, it was weird. Finally when college let out I realized I was over a healthy weight and needed to get my act together. Even back then when I dieted it was healthy and I never felt obsessed or crazed about it. I lost weight slowly and steadily. The weird thing is, back then I just got myself back to my high school weight, which was not terribly thin. But I was happy and confident. Since then I've lost, then regained, weight. I actually weigh less now than I did then yet I'm still not confident.
Ugh, enough complaining! So far today is going well, I just want to start changing the voices in my head to positive ones. I actually left some of my breakfast because I was full, and made a delicious snack, then lunch, and I didn't measure anything. Which I think eventually will be freeing, assuming I continue to tell myself I'm wonderful. And I am.
Oh, today I also have been eating with my non dominant hand. One of the things I want to do is become more aware of the actual eating process. Often I sit down and suddenly my food is gone...bam! Where did it go? I want to be mindful in my eating. Eating with my left hand is certainly slowing me down.
How do you make sure you eat mindfully?
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I think you should start to leave yourself notes in places in your house, office, and car to remind yourself that you are beautiful just the way you are! I know this website operationbeautiful.com has helped me out a lot!!
ReplyDeleteI tend to make my meal and then put everything away. And sit down with only my plate and drink. It helps me not just keep eating even though I am not full since the bowls of food are not staring me in the face. And also, I will admit, I am too lazy to get up to get more. hahaha
Funny, I JUST read an article about eating with the non-dominant hand. Must try that myself! Chopsticks also SLOW things down a lot!
ReplyDeleteIf you visit my blog, there's a post on "pearls" ..you know. of wisdom. One of the BEST BEST BEST pearls I got was from a book called Shrink Yourself. It said that emotional hunger comes on quickly and ferociously, but true hunger comes on slowly and builds. And the real pearl was that "Real Hunger Can Wait". I've been trying to adopt that philosophy and it's been very liberating. Very! Let me know what you think if you try it.
Deb
I haven't ever dieted per se, but I am a very healthy eater. I always try to just eat slow and really enjoy the meal. If I find myself still hungry, I have something to drink and then wait 10 or 20 minutes. The hunger usually passes unless it's real and my food gets a chance to settle. :D
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